I eagerly awaited the day I was going to be a mum. When my husband and I found out we were pregnant, we were over the moon. We were filled with such joy and excitement. For me, this often manifests as a need to get organised and prepared for the exciting new adventure. So when my husband said he wanted to wait to find out the gender of our baby, I understood, but was also a bit stressed. I wanted to find out what we were having so we could organise the clothes, the nursery and life in general. But it wasn't going to happen. So we did what all expectant parents waiting for their babies do - we speculated. For no other reason than having a 'hunch', I was convinced we were having a girl. Even my husband was, although maybe not to the same extent as me. We've had a girl's name picked out for over 5 years, whereas we didn't even consider a boy's name until about a month before the due date. My mind just was not wired that way. So we eagerly awaited for the girl that never arrived.
Then I gave birth at 11.15pm, our obstetrician passed up our baby and asked "so what did you have?!" As we waded through the bits (umbilical cord) and bobs (more umbilical cord), we found the thing that we were unexpecting and announced we'd had a boy. Obviously at the time, I was just relieved that the pain was over and our baby was healthy. There was such a rush of hormones, and excitement, and tiredness and pain, that I didn't think of much else.
The reality of having a son didn't hit me until 2 days later. My husband's cousin arrived at the hospital to visit us along with her 3 kids, 2 boys (primary-aged) and a girl. The boys were so excited to see my hubby that they ran over to him and exclaimed earnestly, "we had a farting competition today! And X followed through!" As my husband laughed, I stared wide eyed at them, like a deer caught in headlights. Did they really just say what I thought they said? Yep. To make it worse, their mum turned to me and said, "Guess who had to clean it up?". 'Oh, my, gosh,' I thought, staring at them all while I held my small son. This is what it's going to be like. Life as a mum of a boy. The very thing I NEVER thought about. How could I not have expected it? I had a 50/50 chance, and I still didn't prepare myself. I imagined pink frills and tutus, hair ribbons and braids. Not farting competitions. I remember sitting in that hospital bed holding my son thinking 'how on earth am I going to do this?'
I often thought about this for the first few weeks. And then something happened. At exactly 5 weeks of age, my son smiled at me, and everything changed. He completely had my heart (not that he didn't before, but everything changes with the first smile). I didn't think about the boy/girl difference. In fact, I revelled in my child's gender now. I googled and etsyed and facebooked boys' clothes. I searched for dinosaur toys and onesies and nursery decorations for his room. I eagerly referred to my son and husband as "my boys" (despite always having dreamt that my husband would refer to our 'daughter' and I as "his girls"). I got excited about calling myself a 'boy mum'.
Now, as I watch my 5 month-old son cuddle, and climb, and play, and smile, my heart just bursts with joy. I am filled with such anticipation of what his life will be like. When I watch other boy mums play with their sons, wrestling and flipping and chasing, I get excited about the day my son will be old enough for us to play like that. I now know I wouldn't be devastated beyond repair if I never had a daughter (although obviously I would still love that opportunity). I would be okay with being a boy mum - more than okay, I would be complete. After my initial reservations about life as a boy mum, I now couldn't imagine it any other way.
About Fi Morrison
My MUMMA MORRISON blog is aimed at helping