5 Things I never thought I would say to my boys


Children can really push your buttons at the best of times.  I have 3 boys – 3,3 and 1 and this year I have found myself saying things I never ever thought I would have to say to my boys.   Here is my top 5 most common responses I never thought I would say EVER to my boys.

1. Dude….. where are your pants.

How often is this sentence shouted out in our household?  With 3 boys in our house there is rarely a moment where at least one of them is not running around naked from the waist down.  It usually occurs just before we need to leave the house or someone is expected to visit.

It is not that we have a lack of undies or shorts in our household.  I have even gone extra lengths to keep them within easy access – they permanently live in our dining/lounge.  Easy access however does not guarantee covered backsides at all times.

But in reality who can blame them.  When I come home the first thing I want to do is strip off my clothes and put my lazy lounge clothing on.  I will however draw the line that clothes have to be worn in the kitchen and at the dining table.  Mummy does not want to eat her dinner with a show. 

2. Stop playing with it.

Boys.   I know that it is funny.  It’s always there and you always have your hand on it.  But, there are certain things that mummy just doesn’t want to know about.  Mummy doesn’t want to know that it gets bigger when you play with it.  Mummy doesn’t want to see how big it has become.   The checkout lady doesn’t not want to know that you penis gets bigger.  Your sister does not want to see it.  This is part of your body and you have the right to touch it but please do it in private. 

3. Stop licking your brothers and sister

What is this fetish that little boys have with licking things.   If I had a dollar for every time I have had to ask a child to stop licking their brother, sister or myself, I would be a millionaire.  Sometimes they are just playing dogs but on very odd occasions one of them will just walk on over give a big lick to someone and walk away laughing. 

I wish the licking stopped there but it doesn’t.  They lick anything and everything.  The couch, the carpet, books, toys, and my pet hate – Play-dough. 

4. Stop wrestling…. Stop kicking, stop punching…. Boys just stop

Boys just do not sit still.  It just doesn’t seem to be in their nature.  Wrestling, kicking, punching are all parts of life with boys especially if you have more than one boy.  I swear my boys spend more than half of their awake time wrestling on our lounge-room floor. 

They will not stop there.  You name a place that we have been and I will be able to describe exactly where they had a wrestle fight.  It usually ends with one or both of them injured but they do not learn.  They will have 2 minutes break for first aid but then will be back in there fighting even harder than before.  They really have the do or die mentality.

5. Aim in the bowl. Seriously…. That big thing that has water at the bottom.  We call that a toilet.

How hard can this one be?  That big oval shaped white thing is called a toilet.  Inside of it is water.  Hold your penis (you know the thing you spend half you day with your hand on) and point it at the water (just like the wii handset points to the tv).  Once in the right position go right on ahead and try and see if you can do your entire wee without any back splashing. 

But this seems to be impossible to do.  Who knows why but they get distracted in the 10 seconds they are urinating.  They look at the ceiling, behind them, a piece of food on their leg – you name it and they are likely to notice it during this time.  Before you know it the toilet smells worse than a urinal at an all boys school.

About the Author

Brea Walker is a mum to 3 boys and step mum to 1 girl, a mummy blogger and small business owner.  Mamma Bee is an online baby and kids shop that provides practical products that are loved and tested by parents all over Australia.

To read more visit Mamma Bee